I love Bashment. I love how 20 different artists can record over the same track but it sounds different every time. I love how they can say: “Use yo muscle grip di cocky when yo sit down pon di buddy”, and make it sound so poetic.
But loving Bashment isn’t all fun and games. There are times when you have to sit down and ask yourself: “Is this really the right genre of music for me?” Here are 9 disappointments of loving Bashment, if you haven’t experienced any of them, well, then you’re a yardie.
1. Trying to filter out all the gunshot, sirens and chicken noises on mix-cds.
What is going on here?!
2. Finding out the real speed of songs.
Beth and Clive often spend quiet evenings indoors dancing to Bashment.
3. Realising the rest of the track is shit.
Because DJ’s only play like 12 seconds of it.
4. Discovering what Bashment artists look like.
And being afraid. Very afraid.
5. Heading to the dance floor and accidentally losing your virginity.
Nine months later you give birth to a little boy, and become a crazy baby mother.
6. Having to risk your life to find decent Bashment clubs in London.
And if you do you survive, everyone hates you because your attempted murder got the club shut down.
7. Having to die and come back to life.
Then doing it all again next week.
8. Finding out you don’t have the right clothes for a Bashment rave.
Or the confidence.
9. Coming to terms with the fact that you will never be a dancehall queen.
No matter how much your practice in your room.
Here’s a really great Vybz Kartel song you should listen to, because I know you really want to dance now.